my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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