I wish my penis had an off switch
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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