Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
