So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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