You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
