i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Pants are for mortals
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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