no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
