So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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