It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
