I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
