new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
