I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This is my gift to your gina
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
