My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize