i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
