Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
