You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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