I cockslap morals
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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