If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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