So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
