There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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