he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
