i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I skipped work to stalk him.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
