Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
