so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
