think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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