I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
