if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize