So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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