my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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