I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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