After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
