im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize