Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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