this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
