Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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