im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
