Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
