my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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