So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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