we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's never too late to be topless.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
