I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
