dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
