Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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