What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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