Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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