I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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