We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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