he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
