At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
