he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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