I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
