8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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