I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
