My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
