pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
