I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
