She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
