Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
