i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
