I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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