Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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