Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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