bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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