last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she looked like the before picture.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
