your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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