I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Randomize
