OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
