Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
