Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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