it was like his penis was on wheels.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
