Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Randomize
