i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
