I accidentally burped into my bong.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
