the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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