i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
