As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
