Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's rum buckets o'clock
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
