My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
