Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
