so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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