Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
