Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
