when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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