I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
