East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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