you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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