hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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