And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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