I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
