I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize