Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
