porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
