hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
