finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
